I was reading an interview with the authors of ‘He’s just not that into you’ and the male author said the above. It reminded me of relationships i’ve had where I’ve been the personal cheer leader/careers advisor for my partner. And on the flip side I can’t expect someone to wholly fulfil me. Just a good reminder that we are responsible for our own happiness.
As December ends, I start to think about the past year and my achievements. When I first thought about my 2013, I originally thought I had not achieved that much. However, a random comment on facebook (thanks Danny!) made me look at my year in review and this revealed a bigger picture of my achievements both big and small.
On New Year’s eve, I created and posted on fb a list of the key things I achieved and enjoyed in 2013:
*had an amazing new year in Bruges
After a lifetime of NYE in London, three years ago I decided to spend new year in a foreign/ new city. I have celebrated in Edinburgh, Bruges and this year Liverpool. I find being away from home psychologically helps me to feel like I am starting a new year afresh and the experience of discovering a new place makes me more positive about the coming year and what I will achieve in it.
It seems commonplace to write about but after two months of stressful looking, in March 2013 I moved in with my landlady Julia and two cats. I have gained a new home and a new friend.
*started swimming lessons & progressed well
This is one of my biggest achievements of 2013. I am pretty much terrified of water and it took all the patience of my swimming teacher Katy to get me in the adult pool, let alone learn how to tread water and take my first stroke of swimming unaided. I now can’t believe I progressed as much as I did in such a short time and will be resuming my lessons soon.
*helped to organise a fab 30th bday for one of my oldest friends
This is a small achievement but I’m glad that I was able to have some input and contribute to one of oldest friends 30th birthday. Particularly as I was not there to celebrate in person. Knowing that she was happy and thoroughly enjoyed herself made me glad.
*travelled to Kenya, Tanzania, Malawi & Mozambique
This is my biggest achievement of 2013. Myself and Fu travelled overland from Kenya to Mozambique in 6.5 weeks, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I’ve always wanted to do some ‘proper travelling’ and see more of the motherland, but it was in July 2013 that I finally got to realise that dream and surprised myself by how much I got into backpacking. I met some lovely people in the most varied of circumstances; saw some of the most beautiful places in the world and just lived for the moment. I have definitely been bitten by the travel bug and plan to have some more adventures in 2014.
*celebrated my 31st birthday
This isn’t really an achievement, but after having some considerable angst about turning 30, I am pleased that I was able to celebrate being 31 with equanimity. (and with lots of friends, alcohol, dancing and excellent food!) I also find that I am more self aware, more committed to taking responsibility for my life and financially stable, all of which I strived for in my 20s and which I have learnt is an ongoing process.
*organised another great Black History Month event at school.
For two years I have organised and hosted a Black History Month event at my school, celebrating the achievements of those from the black diaspora and those students whose academic excellence should be celebrated. It was a great night and highlighted both of these with lots of positive feedback from parents.
*helped to set up a feminist society at school
I am a feminist. I think feminism is important and benefits both men and women. I discussed this with a like minded teacher at school and a feminist group has been started. The group have already taken part in the ‘I need feminism because’ campaign. In a world where gender stereotypes are rife and media portrayals of women often focus on their relative attractiveness, we need to give young people the tools to deal with this crap.
On New Year’s day I thought about what did I want to achieve in 2014 and how was I realistically going to achieve my goals.
My biggest commitment this year is to continue to aim for more positive mental health. I am using the term mental health deliberately because there is unnecessary stigma about the term. I started this blog because I want to become a more positive person, and what I actually meant was – I wanted to be able to see my world in a different way and be more appreciative of what I have. A change in my mind set- an improvement in my mental health. As a coach and educator, I know having a positive mind set and understanding your goals and motivations are key to achieving any goal. By having more positive mental health this will enable me to achieve all my other goals. How am I going to achieve this goal? By surrounding myself with positive & supportive people; by reading more- A road less travelled and books on mindfulness are on my reading list and by starting samba classes (Sundays @ Islington Arts Factory if you fancy it!) . Doing what you love is also a powerful motivator so I will continue to tend to my mini garden and read lots.
This brings me to one of my other goals. I recently read an interesting article about a woman who is only going to read books by writers of colour in 2014. As a black woman who reads voraciously, I am aware that whilst I have read books by writers of colour, I have never made a conscious effort to do so and so my knowledge of literature is mostly western, with the occasional foray into the literature of the country I am visiting and writers of magic realism. I have also been a bit concerned about the lack of diversity in both the characters and writers in one of my favourite genre’s- fantasy. I had a quick scan of the books I now own and this confirmed to me that whilst there was some diversity, most of my books were written by white, western authors. So inspired by the article, book suggestions found in fantasy threads and my amazon wish list, I went to the Islington library catalogue and came up with a list of books to read in 2014:
- Coolie Woman/ Gaiutra Bahadur (Indo- Guyanese)
- Pride of Carthage & Acacia: War with the Mein Bk. 1 / David Anthony Durham (African American)
- The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms (Inheritance Trilogy 1) / N. K. Jemisin (African American)
- The bastard of Istanbul & The gaze / Elif Shafak (Turkish)
- The museum of innocence : a novel / Orhan Pamuk (Turkish)
- Fictions / Jorge Luis Borges (Argentinian)
- The fall of the stone city & The Palace of Dreams / Ismail Kadare (Albanian)
- Arabian nights and days / Naguib Mahfouz (Egyptian)
- Sugar in the blood : a family’s story of slavery and empire / Andrea Stuart (Bajan/Barbadian)
- Witchbroom & Light falling on bamboo/ Lawrence Scott (Trinidadian)
- When the Only Light Is Fire / Saeed Jones (African American/ LGBT)
- The brief wondrous life of Oscar Wao & This is how you lose her / Junot Diáz (Dominican)
- We need new names / NoViolet Bulawayo (Zimbabwean)
- Ghana must go / Tayie Selasi ( Ghananian)
- Sounds Like London: 100 Years of Black Music in the Capital / Lloyd Bradley (Black British)
- Twelve Tribes of Hattie / Ayana Mathis (African American)
- Their Eyes Were Watching God / Zora Neale Hurston (African American)
Wish me luck with my epic reading list and my quest to be a more positive, healthy person this year. I hope to have more good times with old friends and new and fit in at least one travel adventure. This will also be the year I learn to swim! Here is my final thought for what i want in 2014: